Humping What Now?
My coworker was out of town last week, which meant I was completely responsible for 15 middle schoolers for 5 whole days! And middle school is such a weird age bracket. Half the kids are funnier and listen to better music than I do, and then the other half haven’t quite seemed to have developed the ability to create abstract thoughts. Its thrilling working there I assure you.
So day three of dodging pretzels and flying pool balls, cleaning cuts and scrapes, mediating fights and TV volumes, I had just about had it. And when the 8th graders asked if they could go outside and play I said yes (some fabulous supervisor I am). But I was at my wits end, and throw in the clause of – okay, but if anyone gets upset with you, come in right away. Other ways, you have 10 minutes!
And out they went. As much as I love the 8th graders, they really are the most fun since they are older, they are also the biggest trouble makers. And when they get feisty, it’s always a relief when they leave the room. Having this knowledge, I wasn’t the least surprised when the rent-a-cop comes into the room five minutes later.
“Hi, what’s up?” I say, knowing perfectly well it was my 8th grade boys.
“Well, um, I just wanted to let you know there are some kids out front and they are acting a little rowdy.” Responded the rent-a-cop (this guy cannot be much older then me. I actually think he’s younger).
Jesus, of course they are rowdy. DUH. I have no idea what to say to this guy. So I respond –
“Well, is that a problem?” Really, I didn’t know how to respond. I certainly didn’t want them coming back to the room.
“Mmmm… no, but it could definitely become a problem soon.”
Damnit, this guy must be soooo bored to come back at me with a statement like that. And on top of that, he doesn’t leave. He’s still standing there.
“So, anything else wrong?” I hint at, since it seems he had more to say.
“Well yeah actually,” He pauses here and struggles to say what comes out next. “One of the kids was, well… um, he was humping a tree.”
HUMPING A TREE??? WTF am I supposed to do with that knowledge? Once again I must come up with a response. Keep in mind, the tree humping statement is a much more daunting task to retort back to. So I stick with the standby always works method of passiveness.
“Okay, so is the tree humping a problem?” LOL. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. It was one of those priceless moments where you could have died to have an audience around to witness it from start to finish.
“Well, I suppose it could be if someone were to see them, it wouldn’t look very appropriate.”
“Okay, I agree, I’ll talk to them when they come back in.”
And so now I get to have a little talk about sexual expression and how that’s not a bad thing by any means, but probably not best if you chose to express yourself sexually through trees, not really appropriate in an after school program. Really, the fun in my life never stops.
The boys come back in and I stop them and in my strictest voice and face ask who was responsible for the tree humping. Whoa did they flip out –
“WHAT?? Ohmygod, no, nobody was humping a tree. Who told you that?? Someone just pushed me into a tree. THAT’S ALL! Who said that??
So I just told them. “I’m not a liberty to say who made the complaint for fear you’ll never ever respect their authority and make tons and tons of fun of him. Just try to keep the tree humping to a minimum okay?”
“GROSS JESS!!!! EWWW.”
So day three of dodging pretzels and flying pool balls, cleaning cuts and scrapes, mediating fights and TV volumes, I had just about had it. And when the 8th graders asked if they could go outside and play I said yes (some fabulous supervisor I am). But I was at my wits end, and throw in the clause of – okay, but if anyone gets upset with you, come in right away. Other ways, you have 10 minutes!
And out they went. As much as I love the 8th graders, they really are the most fun since they are older, they are also the biggest trouble makers. And when they get feisty, it’s always a relief when they leave the room. Having this knowledge, I wasn’t the least surprised when the rent-a-cop comes into the room five minutes later.
“Hi, what’s up?” I say, knowing perfectly well it was my 8th grade boys.
“Well, um, I just wanted to let you know there are some kids out front and they are acting a little rowdy.” Responded the rent-a-cop (this guy cannot be much older then me. I actually think he’s younger).
Jesus, of course they are rowdy. DUH. I have no idea what to say to this guy. So I respond –
“Well, is that a problem?” Really, I didn’t know how to respond. I certainly didn’t want them coming back to the room.
“Mmmm… no, but it could definitely become a problem soon.”
Damnit, this guy must be soooo bored to come back at me with a statement like that. And on top of that, he doesn’t leave. He’s still standing there.
“So, anything else wrong?” I hint at, since it seems he had more to say.
“Well yeah actually,” He pauses here and struggles to say what comes out next. “One of the kids was, well… um, he was humping a tree.”
HUMPING A TREE??? WTF am I supposed to do with that knowledge? Once again I must come up with a response. Keep in mind, the tree humping statement is a much more daunting task to retort back to. So I stick with the standby always works method of passiveness.
“Okay, so is the tree humping a problem?” LOL. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. It was one of those priceless moments where you could have died to have an audience around to witness it from start to finish.
“Well, I suppose it could be if someone were to see them, it wouldn’t look very appropriate.”
“Okay, I agree, I’ll talk to them when they come back in.”
And so now I get to have a little talk about sexual expression and how that’s not a bad thing by any means, but probably not best if you chose to express yourself sexually through trees, not really appropriate in an after school program. Really, the fun in my life never stops.
The boys come back in and I stop them and in my strictest voice and face ask who was responsible for the tree humping. Whoa did they flip out –
“WHAT?? Ohmygod, no, nobody was humping a tree. Who told you that?? Someone just pushed me into a tree. THAT’S ALL! Who said that??
So I just told them. “I’m not a liberty to say who made the complaint for fear you’ll never ever respect their authority and make tons and tons of fun of him. Just try to keep the tree humping to a minimum okay?”
“GROSS JESS!!!! EWWW.”
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